Querencia for Nirvana
by IkiaSetto
Summary: [Tokyo Ghoul: Re AU] What if the Anteiku Raid never took place, and instead Arima managed to bring down Eyepatch after a battle with Owl. When Arima brings Eyepatch captive to the CCG, Amon does not initially know how to feel about the orders to erase Eyepatch's identity. His dilemma is further complicated when they assign Eyepatch's new identity, Sasaki Haise, as his subordinate.
1. I

Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul: Re

This story is an Alternate Universe based from the Manga _Tokyo Ghoul: Re._

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I apologize for taking such a long, and I mean _long,_ hiatus! My future was approaching and I had to take my temporary leave. I may leave once more due to life calling out to me, but I will post as much work as I can.

Dialogue Instructions:

Kaneki: "-Speaking-."

 _Kaneki: "-Thoughts-."_

 **WARNING: This is** _ **NOT**_ **smut or yaoi.** I have seen the lack of friendship-based fanfictions, therefore I've taken the issue into my hands to inspire stories that do not need romance or smut and can be more friendly for others. But if you like smut and yaoi, then, by all means, read them smuts. No shame in it!

Please enjoy!

" _Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."_

––Benjamin Franklin.

The second the news had reached the CCG Headquarters; it was an assured victory from their end. There has been a short percentage of individuals who have encountered the infamous one-eyed Ghoul, Eyepatch. And then, there are those who have fought Eyepatch and been an equal match to the ghoul––a number just as small.

Therefore, as soon as it was reported that the CCG's Reaper, Arima, was currently engaging the Eyepatch ghoul, they had cheered from the vast amount of pride and triumph they would surely gain from the outcome of the battle. They felt that Eyepatch's soon-to-be quinque would surely be regarded as the most important weapon they would gain, aside from also acquiring Owl's in the near future.

As the investigators hustled through the hallways in a rush to prepare for overwhelming work that would surely come from this important day, it was no understatement that the CCG seemed far more overcrowded–or at least, more than usual. For this very reason, Koutarou Amon was at a loss for words when he set foot inside the Headquarters. He gripped the handle of his briefcase tightly, his eyelids blinked from utter bafflement.

"Excuse me––." He tried to ask a rushing investigator, yet the male gave him an apologetic look and rushed away–Amon surely did not remember anyone ever being _apologetic_ for wasting their time. It was rather obvious that something was happening–and from the looks of it, they must be good news.

A small frown decorated his features as he continued pacing ahead, every now and then having to avoid rushing investigators and clutter of paperwork being dropped accidentally on their way to their offices. He made his way up the stairs, yet his ears buzzed from the amount of chattering that was happening.

" _I leave for two weeks to take care of an infestation of ghouls_ _ **wards**_ _away and come back to some news that I didn't hear about. And worst of all, no one has given their time to explain this situation to me."_ He grumbled from within himself, for he was not the type to like surprises, especially if he did not know whether he would act like his fellow comrades after finding out what had made everyone so jolly.

He, of course, truly hoped for this news to be _good,_ it had surely been a while since they've had any.

Amon turned the knob as he entered the office, only to be enthusiastically greeted by Takizawa.

"Amon, Sir! You're finally back! I thought you would miss the event!" Takizawa spoke joyfully; emphasizing just how important said event was by swinging his arms around.

"Takizawa. It's good to see you too. Though I might just have already. I just got here and no one has told me what's going on." He spoke in a wary tone, for he truly just wanted the news to be straightforwardly told to him. "Will you fill me up on what's going on?"

A grin stretched on Takizawa's lips, for he had been waiting to tell someone who was clueless as to what was happening–Amon just happened to be that person. "I thought you'd never ask! Look, today we got a report of a 'regular' ghoul and the S3 Squad just happened to be engaging in battle with Owl at that same moment!"

"With Owl!" Amon raised his voice slightly, rather startled at the sudden information. "How did they–."

"It was an anonymous source that informed us, but wait, that's not the best part! Guess who was the 'regular' ghoul that just so happened to have been engaging with Owl in the first place?" Takizawa's gaze glimmered with enthusiasm, his lips slowly parted to answer his own question when––.

"The one fighting with Owl initially was the ghoul, Eyepatch." Akira finished from behind an office cubicle.

Amon's shoulders involuntarily jumped at the sudden voice from behind a cubicle. He gazed towards the source of the voice, only to see Akira's fixed expression looking at the two with a rather bored look. It seems that the suspension had clearly exhausted her patience.

"No! I was going to say it! Why did you have to tell him!" Takizawa openly groaned in a rather angry manner, for it seemed that he had truly wanted to break the news to Amon. And in many ways, it had broken his calm posture instead.

The only word that rang through his mind was the word _**Eyepatch.**_ In a matter of seconds, he rushed through the door and paced hastily down the narrowed hallway, trying his best to avoid those that were just as equally rushing by. He now understood what the news was, and as he had suspected, the news did not make him feel as jolly as those around him. What was worse; he did not know whether that was good or bad news for his morals as an investigator––but what of his morals as an individual and not his profession?

His ears immediately heard the booming of cheers from within the presentation room and knew right away what those sounds meant. He pushed through those who stood idly by the other, they had their arms raised and were screaming from joy at the top of their lungs. Amon continued thrusting forward until he came to a clearing in the middle of the large screen.

In said screen, it showed Eyepatch being dragged by none other than CCG's Reaper, Kishou Arima. His eyes widened in utter shock at the sight of the ghoul's face being briefly displayed on the screen. The absence of his pupils and the hollows that replaced it made Eyepatch looked dead than alive. It was a miracle that he had even survived, and now, he was coming face to face with the realization that Eyepatch may just be slaughtered the minute he arrives.

But why does he feel so worried about what they will do to him?

" _Referring to a ghoul as a he and not an it."_ Amon gloomily thought, for he knew that the past had converted him into more of an animal than a man. The crowd around him continued cheering, as he numbly stood in silence, like a black sheep among the winter coated ones.

* * *

I hope you liked the chapter!

Feel free to tell me(us) how you interpret the story will go down in the next future chapters!

Thank you very much for reading!


	2. II

Please enjoy!

" _The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision."_

–Maimonides

Ever since the day Eyepatch had been taken as a prisoner, there had been secrecy among the higher-ups as to what their next course of action should be with the ghoul. There has not been any public information of the recent success by the CCG due to the predictable backlash they will certainly get after their final decision.

The silence and avoidance of the topic had been strictly carried out, for none of the investigators dared to question the higher rank. However, among those who patiently waited, was a certain investigator who did not approve of the secrecy and was rather impatient to find out what would happen to his deemed rival.

The said investigator was currently seated in the outdoors of the headquarters, chomping down rather angrily on his donut. All of these days he has been feeling incompetent as to what to do, for the ghoul has continuously plagued his mind.

"What's taking them so long to tell us?" Amon muttered in-between bites. The suspense of nearly a week was continuously making him uneasy, and the mere fact that he dared to admit he was _concerned_ for a ghoul only further made him feel ridiculous.

"You're a lot more impatient than usual, Investigator Amon." Shinohara spoke amusingly as he paced towards the seated man. Amon sharply turned his head towards Shinohara, rather surprised that he had taken notice of his behavior.

"Shi–Shinohara-san," He stuttered and immediately became flustered to be heard during his childish tantrums. "I…It's just that the lack of trust they have suddenly shown is unnerving and insulting." Amon finished rather sheepishly, despite the strong belief of said statement.

"I understand." The older man replied patiently, situating himself beside his frustrated comrade.

"You do?" Amon was surprised as he looked at the investigator, for he would never have thought the older male would feel the same.

"Certainly. It has not missed my perception that you have been a worthy opponent to Eyepatch on various occasions–even so far as for Eyepatch to show mercy to you specifically." Shinohara smiled knowingly despite the horror written over Amon's facial features.

"Mercy? That–but that's an insult to my–!" Amon's words caught in his throat the minute Shinohara began roaring with laughter. _"He was joking!"_ He became bashful once more, for he had surely fallen for such an old trick.

"I was joking, Amon! It would have been an insult to your skills." Shinohara grinned as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "This uplifts the mood that has taken over our fellow comrades. Don't fret and always remain patient, the final decision will get to us sooner than you think." He gingerly placed a heavy palm on Amon's shoulder, before standing and taking his leave. "And I just have a feeling you'll be the first to be given them."

"Huh?" Amon gazed towards Shinohara, for he had not heard his last words. The only response he got was the older man's lazy wave as he continued on his way. He smiled slightly and focused once more on eating his donut–only to take notice the donut was no longer on his palm. He quickly looked around himself, yet found no traces of it. Realization dawned on him, and he let out a resigned sigh. "So that's what he was after."

Amon smiled amusingly, for he was sure the male had lifted his spirits for the sake of Mado's and himself. Meanwhile, Shinohara took a bite from a donut; feeling rather satisfied that he had 'received' such a wonderful gratitude from his friend.

* * *

"Investigator Amon."

The investigator lifted his gaze, rather curious to the formalities being directed towards him. "You can just call me Amon." He clarified in case she had perhaps forgotten–though that was unlikely.

"It's a letter from Kishou Arima." Akira responded, bluntly ignoring Amon's wishes and merely doing her job.

"What!?" Amon abruptly stood up from his chair, discarding any work he had yet complete on his desk. "Special Class Arima–why would he…"

"I don't know, but it seems he's inviting you for a chat." Akira spoke in a nonchalant manner despite the gravity of the situation. Amon immediately took hold of the letter, briefly thanking her as he exited the office, slamming the door a little loudly.

"Ghouls!?" Takizawa snapped awake in utter fear, his bed head being akin to a bird's nest. His eyes lazily scanned the office, only to be met with a grim expression from Akira. He turned his head away from her, yet sweat dropped at the fact that he had fallen asleep. _While on the job._

Amon quickened his pace, yet his gaze remained fixed on the letter's contents. This was just as he had suspected, yet among all the words that were written, there were those that stood out from the rest.

' ' _The discussion for Eyepatch's fate shall be decided based on the conversations we will have with two individuals and_ _ **the evidence that has been acquired of the ghoul's identity**_ _. Due to the agreement with Chairman Tsuneyoshi Washuu, it is hereby agreed that Investigator Koutarou Amon shall be among those to have a voice in this important decision. ' '_

" _They know what Eyepatch's identity is."_ Amon thought as a surge of hope filled his core and the mere revelation. He knew that he had always sought for answers from the said ghoul, though their positions had never allowed such room for discussion. Yet, what struck him as odd was the fact that it has been a week and only now have they considered a decision. _"Just how difficult can discussing a ghoul's life be? We've never had this problem."_

Even as he paced forward, his head held high and his iron grip on the letter, he was unaware of the peculiar gazes from others. It was no doubt that Amon had been picked to speak on behalf of himself and the ghoul that they had countlessly heard gossip of. What they did not know, however, was the conflicted emotions within the investigator. It was a terrifying thought to realize he held the fate of someone's life in the palm of his hand, regardless if it was a human or ghoul.

He truly hoped he would make the right decision.

* * *

Thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


	3. III

" _Books that change you, even later in life, give you a kind of electrical shock as the world takes a different shape."_

 _–_ A. S. Byatt

The atmosphere in the room dropped several degrees as Amon was given permission to join the room–it took him by surprise that he was the only individual present in the room, aside from the imposing male who sat upright on the other side of the noir polished desk.

"Investigator Amon," Arima greeted in a dull yet professional tone. "Please, take a seat." The male took hold of a pen, scribbling down on a clipboard that held a single sheet of paper. "I am grateful that you came as soon as the letter was received."

"It's what we should all do, Sir." Amon hastily stepped forward; his facial features evoked uncertainty as to where he should situate himself, for the desk was unusually long for an office.

"Seat here, please." Arima gestured to a seat beside the centered one he currently occupied. "Yes, Sir." Amon quickly answered, situating himself in the offered seat.

Arima regarded Amon with an unreadable expression, his glasses reflecting the intensity of the lights from the ceiling. "I believe you know what the circumstances are with…"

"Eyepatch." Amon finished; his hands, which currently rested on the desk, tightened slightly.

"Ken Kaneki." Arima corrected, his unblinking eyes staring directly at the investigator.

"What?" Amon blinked, not understanding what had been said.

"The _'ghoul'_ that you call Eyepatch, we have researched and found out his real name is Ken Kaneki."

The investigator sat motionless, the newfound information slowly sinking into the depths of his mind. His orbs slowly widened, understanding and realization flickered through his composed facial features.

"Then–he's really here, under our custody," Amon muttered quietly, disbelief clear in his tone. Arima did not miss the fact that his fellow coworker had referred to Kaneki as he, unlike those he had conversed with. "I don't mean that you couldn't have taken him down, of course! It's just…well…"

"You have encountered him various of times, Investigator Amon. He is a formidable opponent, and yet he was able to fall into our hands this quickly after these many months of running free." Arima spoke softly, though emotions unreadable. "It is also a surprise to those that doubted he could ever be taken as a prisoner."

Amon stared at his hands for a moment, his thoughts reeling with memories of their first encounter, to the last. _Ken Kaneki._ The name rang through his mind, for it was bizarre to refer to the ghoul with a name and not the label they had chosen. The sound of a pen clicking made him snap out of his thoughts, though he quickly cleared his throat.

"The evidence I am about to tell you is classified, but the higher ups have given you their trust to keep silent of the matter. Can we trust you to keep this information to yourself, Investigator Koutarou Amon?" Arima regarded the investigator with a grave demeanor.

"Of course, Sir! You have my word!" Amon spoke sincerely, for he knew that such trust was to be regarded with pride and not insult.

The white-haired male stared for a moment longer, yet seemed satisfied as he looked down at the clipboard. He scribbled once more, afterward he switched his gaze towards Amon, knowing quite well what the proceeding information may surprise the man. He placed the clipboard upside down on the desk.

"Have you ever heard of artificially made ghouls?" As the male had predicted, Amon displayed shock written over his features, denial crossed his eyes as well as disgust to such a possibility.

"That's impossible, isn't it?" Amon whispered for he did not want to believe that there could be such a twisted person in the world. He regretted his question, though felt the answer would surely bring more questions than answers.

"Is it?" Arima countered calmly, his façade remained professional despite his excruciating gaze on the male. Amon's gaze was filled with clear uncertainty and doubt slowly seeping through his thoughts for he was not sure what to believe.

Arima stood up rather abruptly, making Amon tense slightly from the male's piercing stare. The Special Class stepped towards an office cabinet, his fingers easily flicking through the organized folders. He pulled a black folder, one that distinctly stood out from the rest. The label in its front read CLASSIFIED: CASE 240.

"Please look through this." Arima slid the folder smoothly on the table, placing it directly in front of Amon. "The questions will bring answers, and the answers will bring questions to your beliefs." He did not offer any other explanation, though Amon clearly contemplated his words.

After a moment of hesitation, Amon slowly traced his forefinger to the folder's edge. He stared, clearly wary of what he would find. He slowly flipped the folder's cover and in it revealed the front page of what the subject was about. His eyes widened as he stared at an unfamiliar university student, his eyebrows furrowed in utter confusion.

"This folder contains the information of Ken Kaneki." Arima provided for him, which resulted in Amon's sharp intake of breath. The realization that the small ID picture was of Eyepatch's made him relive the moment he had first fought him. Amon remembered the black hair, the frigid raindrops, and the ghoul that cried for him to flee. "This is…"

Amon brought the folder closer to him, his eyes scanning every little single detail that provided him. From the day of birth to his height, weight, eye color, hair color, every single thing. He had always wanted to know who that mysterious ghoul had been, yet the positions they were in had never given the opportunity. He soon caught a specific label where it said 'species'.

He looked at the provided information, yet halted dead in his tracks. His eyes remained wide as they took in what he had read, rereading it over and over again. His jaw slackened from shock, his hands shaking slightly in utter confusion. Amon ripped his gaze away from the folder and met with Arima's calm gaze.

"This…has to be an error…" His voice shook as he vocalized his thoughts. "There's no way that he was…"

"Human?" Arima provided, in which in turn made Amon leaned back in his chair, the folder feeling like lava under his digits. It burned with such an intensity of truth; he could not bring himself to step on its surface.

"There's more to people than simply reading them like a book, Investigator Amon. Every story needs its villain." He spoke softly.

* * *

Thank you very much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


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